Cake Wrecks

I'm fortunate to have a girlfriend who is talented at making baked goods into beautifully crafted works of art. You can bet, then, that my new digital camera and this great blog, Cake Wrecks, will combine together to further assure that she will never make a shoddy cake for fear that I will most definitely post it to be lambasted by the site's hilarious author.

Cake Wrecks

Bulldozed; Starting Anew

This site started as a way for me to derive entertainment from work by writing about it and then being inspired by that writing to do more writing. The problem is that my job is just not all that entertaining right now, and the truth is that most of my days are spent trying to entertain myself by learning about wonderful things on the internets instead. So, while the occasional work related post is still possible, I think as a writing exercise I'll just be posting about things I deem to be awesome, including, hopefully, photos that I take.

CEO at the Gym Pt.2

It's a mundane topic, I know. But it's all I have. This site is my one and only New Year's resolution, and I think the changes will be pretty enormous.

Today I learned the following lesson: If you somehow forget to pack extra gym clothes, don't allow the one t-shirt you have to look like this:



Okay, it may not be the worst thing in the World, but I just know it's going to come back to haunt me somehow.

CEO

Today I worked out with the CEO during lunch. His company manages trillions of dollars (before econageddon, anyway) in assets and employs over 11,000 people yet the he still works out in the same tiny gym during lunch that us grunts do. He's far and away the nicest CEO I've ever met.

Things Not to Do

Don't forget you have to attend a "Professional Presence" workshop and further emphasize that you forgot by showing up with a face that has gone unshaven for two weeks. Especially if you can't even grow a beard and you just look homeless. Inevitably the topic of grooming came up and the senior management in attendance had to try extra hard to not call me out in front of the group.

Lost & Found

I've had the pleasure of changing cubicle locations 4 times in my less than two year career. Luckily this has previously been a result of being hired and subsequently promoted twice, but this most recent move, it seems, was just a result of a corporate shakeup. Just mix things up, see how the people react. Because of course, shuffling seating can lead to more productivity...or something.

Anyway, the most recent move unfortunately took me away from my corner window and into the middle of an aisle on a higher floor. The only positive thing to come from the move was the above item, a "glare shield," if you will, which this cube's previous owner left behind. It's interesting how much clearer my monitor is with this strange device. Also, one of these retails for about $95. I'm just sayin....

Most Blogs Die

It's hard to tell when this blog jumped the shark. Some will say it was doomed before it ever began. Others will point out that I'm just lazy. Me? I blame the financial markets. It was September 29th to be exact, the day the markets died. Ironically, while the economy is in the shitter my job has become increasingly more important and busy. Thus I have nothing office related to blog about. But really, did I ever?

Re: The guy at lunch

Dipping your french fries in mayonnaise has to be just about the fattest thing you can do.

I know the market's in the can, but get ahold of your emotions man.

Demographics

It can be argued that an office is one of only a few institutions that brings together people of all ages, sexes, races, and religions and forces them to work side by side. This is especially true down here at the bottom rung, where I am, and becomes less and less true as you ascend the corporate ladder where, at the top, sit a few white, middle-aged men. So down here at the bottom--again, where I am--I feel a bit strange sometimes. At first I did some time in the new-hire pen alongside other fresh-outta-college people my own age and a smattering of older folks looking for a fresh start. We called these people collectively "mid-life crisis," and assumed that at least a few would be swallowed up by our youthful energy and expertise with modern technologies, googles, and e-mails. We were right.

Now that I've burst out of the pen of post-grad confusion and into the upper level of the bottom rung I am amongst a much more diverse collection of colleagues. On my team, for example, I am youngest by 6 years, which is not so bad, but everyone is married which is certainly not something I can relate to. At my cube I sit back to back with a 62 year old woman who likes to talk about her dogs and grandkids. Adjacent to us are several more associates who are much more tenured and who talk about their happy married lives, time off with the kids, or weekends with the nieces and nephews. I find irony every time my "cube buddy" asks what kind of music I'm listening to or how my weekend went while she knits a blanket for a new grandchild. I lie, of course, not wanting to risk any additional awkward questions. I opt for answers like "just some rock" or "nice quiet weekend...watched the game, saw my girlfriend." Old people eat up that kind of phony chit chat.

Worse is the cattyness I perceive from some of the women on the team. Even at their more advanced age they still gossip about office goings-on and admonish me when I "didn't say good morning." Sometimes they will--in this supposed "professional" setting--get upset with one another for not including one another in lunch invitations or signing up for certain extracurricular activities without consulting the others. This is normally the catalyst for a chain of events which usually concludes with unnecesary e-mails sent back and forth so as to signify "I'm not talking to you." It's all very much like high school.

Interviews

A few days after I wrote the post about breakfast, someone broke a few of my breakfast rules (all of them, actually, and yes, the Monday breakfast included a quiche). The event sent me into hiding yet again, for I felt I was being put on. I still have my suspicions about being found out, but alas we forge ahead.

I wrote some time earlier about interviewing for a new position. Well, I got that position and so now I write from a roomier cube along a corner of the building which makes me feel like I have an office with a view. I find interviewing far less nerve-racking than some of my peers. I attribute this to being young (I'm 23). At this very early point in my career I don't feel any pressure to move up any corporate ladders. They either want me or they don't, but I refuse to be hired based on the premise that I'm something that I'm not. So interviews always offer the opportunity for me to see the interviewer's expression when I assert my opinions with fierce, unwavering, brutal honesty. I interject some humor here and there, flash a smile when necessary, and try to look as good as possible, and so far the result has always been positive. It all works because I'm very cold. To me it's just an anonymous corporate job, the kind that a department can probably find ways to swallow up and accomplish with one less employee should costs need to be cut. So why sweat a promotion like that? And yet I know of several people who sweat these types of situations. So, I say this as advice: unless the job you're interviewing for is what you've always dreamed of or represents a pay increase of 5K or more, just be yourself.