Timequake

Last night I picked up a few books at the library since I'm headed south for vacation this Friday. I couldn't resist borrowing the last work by one of my favorite all-time authors Kurt Vonnegut. I also couldn't resist diving into it right away. Timequake is a story told from both Vonnegut's own non-fiction perspective where he waxes nostalgic about various times of his life, and the perspective of his well known fictional alter-ego Kilgore Trout. The idea is that a "timequake" occurs in February 2001 that forces everyone back to 1991 where they are required to live those 10 years over again, unable to change a thing about how they live it. A replay, if you will, where none of the variables change until February 2001 comes around again and your free will resumes. Since the book met with luke warm reviews when it was released in 1998, I wasn't sure what I was getting into. Then I read the following:

The African-American jazz pianist Fats Waller had a sentence he used to shout when his playing was absolutely brilliant and hilarious. This was it: "Somebody shoot me while I'm happy!" That there are such devices as firearms, as easy to operate as cigarette lighters and as cheap as toasters, capable at anybody's whim of killing Father or Fats or Abraham Lincoln or John Lennon or Martin Luther King, Jr., or a woman pushing a baby carriage, should be proof enough for anybody that, to quote the old science fiction writer Kilgore Trout, "being alive is a crock of shit."

Talk about a hook! Go ahead, Mr. Vonnegut, I'm all ears.

Doug Glanville

I feel like I'm the last person to find out that former Philadelphia Phillies CF and University of Pennsylvania alum Doug Glanville frequents the op-ed section of the New York Times with his own column, usually about a combination of life and baseball. But in case I'm not, please check them out here. I think you'll find that you're surprised by the quality and engagingness of his work.

Paul F.Tompkins on WFMU

I've probably looked like a goofball walking around corporate campus laughing solo to a podcast of "The Best Show" on WFMU, a New Jersey based listener-supported radio station. The show is a comedy/call-in/talk hybrid show hosted by Tom Scharpling whose wikipedia bio says he produces Monk, though that fact has nothing to do with his hosting of the show.

The particular episode I've been enjoying is from July 21 and includes comedian Paul F.Tompkins as special guest. The two are a hilarious match. Paul is always funny of his own accord(perhaps my favorite comedian aside from Louis CK), but when given a partner and the topic like this, the Gathering of the Juggalos, all hell breaks loose and hilarity ensues. They are hilarious in their brutal mocking.

Listen to it here. If you don't have 3 spare hours, the Gathering of the Juggalos bit starts at 1:09:23 and pretty much lasts for the remainder of the show. Also of note, there's a funny bit mocking Abbott and Costello at the 34 minute mark.

Fashion Week: Tuxedos

I never "got" the tuxedo t-shirt. Don't' get me wrong, the real tux is still the utmost in men's formal fashion, it's just the "ironic" t-shirt I can't stand. But that hasn't stopped thousands of people finding it hilarious and perpetuating the market for them.

Turns out the sports world is in on the joke too. Above you see the horrifying jersey the Lehigh Valley IronPigs wore on "Wedding Night" (Man, minor leagues are a joke). However, they weren't breaking any new ground as several other minor league teams have done this before, like hockey's Alaska Aces, Grand Rapids Griffins, and Quad City Mallards. Even another local team, the ECHL's Reading Royals, have gotten in on the tuxedo action. Here's some asshole wearing a tuxedo biking jersey!

At least we can take solace knowing that these kind of shenanigans are kept hidden in lesser known minor leagues and not the real pro leagues where only teams like the San Diego Padres wear hideous specialty jerseys.

State Highway Signs

While driving down to Baltimore for a bachelor party over the weekend, it occurred to me for the first time ever that each state has its own unique design for their state highway designs. Here's a website that proves it.

It's a little disappointing to see both of Pennsylvania's neighbor states New Jersey and Delaware among the 5 states also including Iowa, Kentucky, and Mississippi that all apparently totally lack any type of individuality when it came to making these signs. They each use the same bland white circle inside a black square.

I personally like any of the states that chose to incorporate color into their sign, and of the black and white models I'd have to give creativity points to Washington. Simple, yet so cool.

Fashion Week: Transformer Sneakers

For when you're a baller who absolutely loves Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, and the gang, but can't express that love simply by watching the movies or cartoon.

New Era makes the official 59Fifty hats that all Major League baseball teams wear. For the most part players all wear these hats the traditional way, forwards with a nice curve of the brim. Why, then, is it impossible to find anyone else who can wear the hat this normal way? Most people seem to wear it flat-billed and cocked to the side and with the stickers still on. What a ridiculous look!

In fairness, I'm not even sure New Era makes it possible for us non-baseball players to wear these hats correctly anymore. I can't seem to find a 59Fifty that fits my head or doesn't make me look like Toad from the Mario series. Nowadays I'm forced to settle for the less authentic "Flexfit" hats, and I don't like it one bit.

Fashion Week: Short Sleeved Buttoned Shirts

I've worked in the office setting long enough to know that this is a ridiculous look.

If you're going with short sleeves, buy a polo or roll up your sleeves. If you must wear this abomination, get a jacket or vest.

Album Spotter

Album Spotter is a website that tells you which albums of a particular artist your collection is missing. Simply go to the site, upload your iTunes xml file, and decide which artist you want to check up on.

Seems like an interesting use of coding, though I'm not exactly sure who the target audience might be. If you like a band enough you'll probably already know which albums you're missing. Still, the website is free to use should you need it.

Fashion Week: Bluetooth Headsets

If you ever see me walking around--not driving--wearing one of these ridiculous things, you have my permission in advance to punch me square in the face as hard as you can.

Sorry, David Beckham.

TuneUp Media

The product being sold at this website claims to clean up all of the information and album artwork in your iTunes library.

I doubt I'd ever pay for something like that, as I'm pretty obsessive with doing these things myself for my own collection, but I'd recommend it to everyone else whose mangled collections I have to witness. There's a trial version you should check out first if you're thinking about it. TuneUp supports both Mac and Windows.

There may me free alternatives, all listed at this website. I can't vouch for any of em'.

Cover Songs

AOL Radio Blog published their list of Top 10 Best Cover Songs of all time yesterday, which you can view right here.

Pretty standard list, although I personally think some of those covers are so much more popular than their originals that they shouldn't count. I love the Johnny Cash and Joey Ramone choices, though.

Here's a little Joey Ramone for you:

	Joey Ramone - What a Wonderful World
	Found at skreemr.com

"That Guy"

I don't routinely check to see if random motor oil retailers include audio clips of their radio commercials on their websites, but I made an exception today.

I really like STP's new radio ads "starring" Owen Wilson as himself explaining how he's become "that guy" who doesn't know anything about his own car or how to maintain it.

Check them out HERE if you don't normally listen to terrestrial radio.

Randy

There's a bit of viral internet marketing going on for the new Adam Sandler movie Funny People. Different characters from the movie each have their own website depicting the fictional work that they do.

Of those sites, none is funnier than Aziz Ansari's character, Randy, a stand-up comedian with his own stage DJ. View that site, here.

WARNING: You'll probably be able tell as soon as you check out the page URL, but Randy's site is extremely dirty, and NSFW to say the least.

Michael Jackson

I've just been informed that Michael Jackson died over a week ago. In honor of his brilliant career, here's a video of my favorite MJ moment.

And if you liked that, here's another one.

NHL 09

EA's NHL 2009 is easily the best sports video game ever made for next generation console. Even in a sports society that hails football as a sport of royalty and views ice hockey as on par with soccer, many fans of EA's Madden would agree that the NHL franchise has become an extremely fun video game experience.

Besides having a revolutionary control system, NHL 09 is the first sports game to incorporate a MMORPG or Role-playing feel into the experience with something they call the EA Sports Hockey League and Online Team Play. This has prolonged the life of this game more so than any other game I've come across. Every player who wants to participate in it simply creates a player (a now ubiquitous function of all sports games) and joins a club with friends or an Online Team Play game with strangers. Your player/avatar starts off an underwhelming player rated a 75 out of 100. He is good or bad at certain hockey skills like shot accuracy, speed, toughness etc based on your choice of "player type." For as a "Playmaker" my avatar is better at passing and finding the open man than he is at scoring goals and just a bit above average at athletic endeavors like agility and balance. Other player types include grinder, sniper, dangler (puck handler), power forward, and offensive/defensive D-man. After each game played your avatar receives letter grades based on how well he played his position, how good a teammate he was, and how successful his stats were. The criteria for a good letter grade depends on the position you play. For example, as a defenseman I'm less likely to score points, but I might still have an A+ for racking up a lot of hits or having a high plus/minus. Once certain plateaus are hit such as 50 games/B- average, additional avatar points are awarded which are used to get become more skillful. The only downfall is that there is a finite amount plateaus which can be hit, so those players who've reached it are less inclined to maintain a high level of team play.

Playing in a club is fun. You can only be in one club at a time, and being in one is most commonly achieved through playing with friends, though I suspect the "best" teams are comprised of people who have met playing online. Any club can have up to 50 players on it, but only 6 (including one goalie) can play at once. This is because there are no line changes. And really, who would want to sit on the bench in a video game? Your club can be called anything so long as it isn't inappropriate, and it can wear any jersey set worn by any team in the game's massive roster of teams including those who play overseas or in minor league affiliates like the AHL. Hopefully future versions will allow custom jerseys. When searching for a game, EA servers attempt to match your team up with teams of similar quanity of players and similar divisions. This makes sense because a team of 3 forwards will have 2 "default" defensemen meaning they are both rated 75/100 and not so good at hockey and putting their team at a disadvantage. I can't tell you how difficult it can sometimes be to be on a 3-person team playing against a 5 person team. Pretty rough. The better your team's record, the higher it will climb in division until eventually the league culminates in playoffs and eventually resets. If you don't want to be on a club where W/L record counts, you can still enjoy the RPG aspect by playing Online Team Play custom games. Most people play in clubs, though, and teams are always very witty in coming up with themes for their teams. Right now I play with my neighborhood friends for the "Philly Undead," a team of avatars based on dead Philadelphia icons like Benjamin Franklin and Harry Kalas. I tried to make mine Whitey Ashburn but apparently EA wasn't too fond of the use of Whitey. Seemed legit to me, but I had to settle for Richie.

Pick R Set

PickRSet.com is an interesting website worth mentioning. I like the idea of letting the audience vote democratically to determine a band's set list for a concert. It's an especially cool idea when applied to bands whose set lists are bland and predictable.

It occurs to me, though, that at every show there are always assholes who like to call loudly for rare songs just to prove their pretentious worth as fans, and I see this website as a forum for those people to be heard. That may just be cynicism, I'm not sure.

Doesn't matter, though. PickRSet is probably just a clever way for bands to interact with their fans without having to actually give anything back in return. Of the PickRSet shows I've been to, the final Top 10 songs have never actually been played. Seems bands like to see the results and choose a few of the songs that might normally have not been played. I guess they have to try and sell their new stuff or something.

Wildwood, NJ

Happy 4th of July weekend, everyone! If you're like me and won't be making it down to the shore this weekend, accept these clips of a 1994 documentary entitled Wildwood, NJ as both a substitute and justification for never leaving your house again.

Sadie

Alkaline Trio has traditionally misrepresented themselves aesthetically as evil and brooding with blood and fancy black and red clothes. I personally hated them without having ever listened to a song for this reason alone. But when I finally gave them a shot I found out that their dark persona is really just a clever motif through which they are able to craft clever lyrics about much more realistic scenarios which are ultimately not dark and devilish at all. In fact, anyone can write an Alkaline Trio song. Say you're looking back on your life up to this point and wondering what--if any--meaningful contributions you've made. Why not write that song from a perspective that you're dying tomorrow? You've written an Alkaline Trio song! Too bad you're not as cool as the band.

Anyway, it occurs to me that even though Marilyn Manson these guys are not, they at one point did actually write one song that was sort of dark by nature and not in an ironic or clever way at all. The song, from their 2005 major label debut Crimson, is called Sadie and was inspired by the book Helter Skelter published in 1974 about The Manson Family. The song is about one of Manson's followers Susan Atkins who went by "Sadie Glutz." It's probably the one Alkaline Trio song any non-fan should definitely know.

	Alkaline Trio - Sadie
	Found at skreemr.com